Soledad's Fight for Recovery

I am disgusting. I am fat and I have bad skin and teeth and I am stupid and gross and dumb and lazy and selfish. I want to be thin and sweet and open and caring and one of those people that others can turn to. I do I want to be collected and impressive. One of those women who ahs it together. One of those women that others want to be like, one of those women who makes her husband.bf.finacee lover WHATEVER, be happy to come home. If I keep this up, this depression, this consuming self hatred, Greg is gonna start wanting out. And you know what? He would be RIPPING pissed to see me write this. I know he loves me, but how long can one person stand to watch their loved one beat themselves up? ARGH! MIA IS SCREAMING RIGHT NOW. SHE IS TRAPPED INSIDE ME. SHE IS AN ANGRY, BLACK HAIRED VERSION OF ME WITH RIPPED CLOTHES AND FLYAWAY HAIR...SHE IS SCREAMING TO BE LET OUT. SHE IS TORTURING ME TO LET HER OUT. SHE IS FLAILING HER ARMS AND BEATING HER CHEST AND CALLING ME NAMES SO THAT I WILL LET HER OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE IS A CAGED ANIMAL...SHE IS PACING AND HISSING AND GROWLING...SHE IS TOO DANGEROUS TO LET OUT.....BUT SO HARD TO KEEP IN. THE ONLY THING THAT TRANQIILZERS HER IS FOOD THAT I EAT QUICKLEY AND THEN THROW UP. IF I DON'T PURGE SHE MOCKS ME. IF I DON'T EAT I BECOME TO TIRED TO KEEP HER AT BAY............... THE ONLY SOLUTION IS TO KEEP HER IN HER CAGE WHERE SHE CAN ONLY INSULT ME, BUT NOT PHYSICALLY HURT ME.