I had my wisdom teeth out on Monday. Hence the lack of posting. My face swelled up like a ballon and I couldn't eat anything solid until today. It was......special. Being seperated from food was a challenge for me. Not being able to purge or have anything in me to pruge was scary for a while. I felt panicked and without my security blanket. I figured I would lose weight since I have been drinking all my meals, but in fact I actually gained a pound. Water weight maybe? That made me really want to purge, but I was more afriad of getting a dry socket then gaining a pound so I refrained. I can't work out either. AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But so far I am getting through. I had therapy today which was a good thing. We talked a lot about how I am gaining confidence in myself and understanding that what other's do is not necessarily a result of me or my behaviours. Other people have issues. There is NOTHING I can do about that. For example; my mom this weekend googled "wedding dresses for all figures" on her computer. I went to type in wedding dresses when Iwas there and what she had previously typed popped up. I asked her about ti and she denied it. So I didn't make a big deal out of it. I just left and went home. She asked why? and I told her because I am a size 7! I don't need a "sepcial wedding dress" to compensate for my body.........WTF. My mom has her own body issues and is projecting them onto me. BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!! But I was proud of the fact that I recognized her biases and realized it was about her not me or my body. Today I had one of those BIG revelations where I realize that I feel that in order to be valued I have to be either really smart or really beautiful. Since I feel cannot be smart then I must try my best to be beautiful....toherwise I will not be valued and if I am without value then I am powerless. What is scarier to a woman in today's misogynistic world then to be powerless.........power and bauty are so intertwined....more on this at another date.
We were biking....hence the helmet
About Me
Thinking of you alot today and want you to remember that you ARE smart and you SO ARE beautiful!
Love you Lauren
Also I saw your pictures on your blog and you are a hottie:) Stop beating on yourself !!!
xo
Sole
I was admitted because I started to B/P over and over because I was in so much pain that I was hoping something would make it go away (BIG BABY I GUESS) and due to lack of anything in my body I passed out and ended up going to the ER and had dry socket in all four teeth and was completely dehydrated, that with the combo of being allergic to my antibiotic! Not fun at all so please continue taking care of yourself! I want you here!
Love Lauren
I think I should get my wisdom teeth out...again. ;)
Wisdom teeth pulling is a bitch. I'm glad it's over, and ya, definitely water retention, will be all gone shortly.
XOXOXOXOXO
PS: You know I think, and know, that you are absolutely beautiful and totally brilliant!!!
Ouchies on having the teeth out. I'm putting it off cuz I'm a wuss.
Sole, you are going to look and feel so fucking beautiful in that wedding dress. Trust me.
love,
lulu