Soledad's Fight for Recovery

So.......it's March. That's right MARCH! I can realistically expect to hear back from PhD programmes this month. I gotta say just writing that down really freaks me out. I have days where in the back of my mind I think I have a good shot. But most of the time I think I am a bad writer and therefore they will never ever ever take me. Despite all this, however, I seem to be planning next year as though I will be a PhD student. I gotta say the whole thing makes my stomach churn, my muscles tense etc. I have these lovely day dreams where I get in. In once scenario I am at work and I get an email. In another I am at home and the letter arrives. In a third they call me and tell me I have been accepted. All of these scenarios are possible, but the stress of living with the unknown is killing me. At night I have the terrifying dreams that I didn't get in, or worse I have...OMG THE PHONE JUST RANG AND I JUMPED OUTTA MY SKIN.....anyways I have these "metaphorical" dreams where I like lose my foot, or have to get a heart transplant, or the stone falls out of my engagement ring or something equally terrible. On top of all this we are trying to rent an apt in Toronto AND sublet our place here. It is V. stressful. However, I am not purging and I am starting my pilates class soon!