Ok. this week sucks. Not ED sucks, but just sucks ass in general...and this si why Monday- Work/School Tuesday- Clinic/Work/ then I was ON TV(hello trigger central) / thenI had to do interviews for the centre/ Greg had class till 9:30pm. Today-work/huge meeting/presentation (did I mention I have an evil cold)/tonight I am hosting a workshoptill 9pm/Greg has class all day/then a squash game/the a meeting Thursday- Work all day/ Greg has the first of his interviews Friday- Work all day/class/ Take back the night/Greg in Halifax for interviews Oh PS I think I gave him my cold:)........... Saturday- My race We are not really getting along. I am scared and sad:( This never happens. Our relationship and home has always been the one place we could turn to for comfort and now it feels as cold and means as the rest of the world:(.............................................boooooooooo......... What if I lose him? What if we lose some of our magic?I would want to be somewhere else if I where him............ Of course this manifests itself in the need I have to be beautiful/thin so that he will stay even though I am being an impossible bitch........this isn't fair to him/doesn't give him enough credit...............................
We were biking....hence the helmet
tough tough--when do you find time to unwind? wow.
lulu and I talked aobut this a bunch, and maybe when she's back she'll be able to offer some insight too...but engagement was one of the toughest times (if not THE toughest) in my relationship with M. this happens to so many people, as, I think, our unconscious tries to negotiate the magnitude of the commitment of marriage.
stick with it.
it IS this hard, really it is. you two will be okay, i believe. it's tough and you just keep sticking with him. (unless of course you're h4h at which point you'd be having lots of sex and drinking too much beer...)
love,
ae
ae's right. engagement was really scary and really hard for me and e. we spent more on therapy after getting engaged than we had before we were engaged.
it's good.
the fear and the fights and the way we learned to navigate and negotiate and behave together made it so that we could stand there Without A Doubt in Our Minds or Hearts and say our vows.
I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm here for you to vent to. It was really scary for me. Fearing that engagement maybe somehow changed everything for the worse...terrified me.
Stay honest. Stay true. To yourself and to Greg. I trust in your love.
lulu
I'm not saying to change anything, but appreciate every little positive thing you accomlish, like laundry, lol! Be SURE inside that you will be just as special and valid a person with, or without Greg. When you believe that, perhaps things will get easier, perhaps it will be more clear.
I'm not loving myself yet, but I'm working on it, and remind myself that I could have a life without my bf, too.