Soledad's Fight for Recovery

So to all of you Canucks out there happy belated turkey day!!! For all of you who aren't, you can still appreciate what a nightmare Thanksgiving is for a bulimic. I had to have TWO turkey dinners, one in PEI...which was actually pretty good and one with my family which was SLIGHTLY more problematic. Thsi is what has been goping on lately. This weekend Greg and I went to PEI and did NOTHING!!! IT was great. We slept, we read, I went for a run, we hing out with his folks and we worked on the potatoe harvester and went to church. Seriously nothing. And after the week I had it was well earned. It is always so weird being with Greg's family cause they think, or at least speak as though they think, that I am thin. For me it is really weird.....and it makes me uncomfortable, like THIN is who I am to them and I have to maintain this. And with MY family FAT is who I am and I have to CHANGE this. Translation from ED to english: Greg's family accepts me for who I am and I don't want to ruin this. MY family wants me to be perfect and I am NOT so I want to change. Thin=accepted. Fat= not. So we are sitting at the table and Greg's dad says to me: Soledad, we need to fatten you up so you will fit in your wedding dress. In my head I was like" ahahhaahahahahahahahah WHAT??????" Then I got to my family's dinner and all of a sudden I felt bloaty and round. Like a ballon, a hippo, like I would float away.....WTF is going on there???????? Wierd eh? and yet NOT so weird. Why does Greg's family accept me and make me feel ok with myself while my family makes me feel FAT=worthless. hmmm.....anyone??? ALso I get to work today and my co-worker tells me that we have a meeting. Now I had NO idea. Turns out they "remebered" on Friday and I left at 12 (with permission) to go to the island. My boss did send me and email, but everyone in the office gets all the emails about all the meetings that go on in the centre, she did NOT send me another email confirming that I had to come to this meeting or even mention it to me in the email she sent. So this morning I show up in my reserach clothes ( see jeans, sneakers, a tank top and a nice button down sweater). I looked like a student and no one has EVER complained about my clothes before. Anyways I was like uh-oh. My boss comes in and I immediatly ask what she would like me to do, she says "Well you SHOULD be coming but I guess I can brief you since you are not prepared." I live one block away from work so I offer to run home and put on a suit. She says "WHATEVER Soledad". I almost cried. Instead I went home, changed...fuming the WHOLE time and worrying about my job. I felt defensive and sad. I was angry and worried and hurt. I have a lot of down time at work sometimes that makes me feel like a bad employee, so after this little incident I was doubley stressed about being a bad employee......I am paid for 7.5 hours a day. I come in one hour before eveyone else and leave an hour earlier. This stresses me out BIG TIME. It makes me feel like a slacker. AH! I could cry. Anyways I got back to the office and I think everything is fine, she doesn't treat others like this. This is the SECOND time somethiing like this has happened in the last month and it is always me:(. It makes me feel like I am a crappy employee. ARGH!