Son of a bitch. I just wrote a really long post and blogger crapped out and I lost it. GAH! So the last few weeks have been emotionally charged for me. Which is not a bad thing, but it has certainly been a challenge, therefore, I am blogging to vent. Warning there are numbers in this post.
So last Sunday was the half marathon I have been training for....a half marathon is 21.1 kms. I have been training since October. I have run the 21kms in my goal time during training so I was TOTALLY pumped for my race, but about 2 weeks ago I pulled my IT band, which manifests itself primarily in the knee, so I took some time off running, I swam and I used the Eliptical and thought I was healed, until km eleven of my race.......I felt my knee go and I had to pull out. I am so disapointed in myself. I feel like maybe I should have kept going, or at least tried to keep going or not run at all. I feel like a failure.... I was TOTALLY kicking ass, which is why I am so disapinted, and I was so proud of myself. I felt stupid. GAH. Here is a pic of my at the race. I am on the far right. Pardon the sperm hat it was minus 20.
My mother recently got home from a 6 week work project away and said I look like I have lost 10llbs. I have NOT lost a damn pound. I WANT to lose 10 llbs. I NEED to lose 10 pounds. GAH!
Furthermore, I am getting discharged from therapy. I have two therapy sessions left….one in March and the last one in April. HOW CRAZY IS THAT???? What if I get really sick or don’t continue to get better or something…………..I am doing well, but I am NOT perfect by any stretch……scary!!!!!!
I have not heard back from PHD. I am going NUTS! NUTS I TELL YOU. I am going to freak out….no wait I have freaked out. Soledad has LEFT THE BUILDING. TO be honest I think I am in a good enough head space that if I didn’t get in I could handle it, but I WANT TO SOOOO BAD! I am on a pretty even keel right now. My relationship with my parents is pretty decent, I am more open to other people’s opinions on things, I am less anxious and less manic and I defiantly have a better relationship with my body and food, but I am still not perfect.
Also the law ball is coming up and I bought a new dress. It is strapless, black, tight and slit up the side. It is HOT! I am not sure if I have the body for it so I am a little stressed…..also what should I do with my hair?????? Suggestions???
OK that is my update. I feel it is all over the place. Love to you all!!!!
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Um, the IT band. That HURTS!! You are so not a failure for pulling out. You were listening to your body. While I know it totally sucks that you couldn't finish, you should be proud of what you did accomplish. Seriously. I know it sucks though. I hate that feeling.
Now onto your mom's comment. You've probably put on muscle which makes you look leaner which is why she thinks that you've lost weight. It's not a bad thing. You do NOT need to lose any weight, by the way. You look great!!
xoxo
-IT band, ouch. You are so amazing, don't beat yourself up, you did the right thing.
-with all this exercise, you probably look like you've lost 10lbs, even if you haven't.
-wear your hair down, wild, and sexy.
-and girl, you DEFINITELY have the body for a dress like that...and I am NOT shitting you.
Love
Frida