So my eating has been shockingly good, but my life has been very stressful. We had friends here this w/e, one of whom stayed at our house and I gotta say was probably the easiest house guest I have ever had. ANYWAYS....a few stressful things have happened. One Thursday I was helping out a client and I cut my finger on his razor. I cut deep enough to bleed but definately shaved some skin off. I work in mental health housing so there are higher risk people in terms of auto-immune diseases. I washed my finger and asked the house owner if anyone had H1V or H3P C. She said no, but I was still worried so I called my aunt who is a nurse and cried. I then waent and saw the nurse at work who told me not to worry about it cause it wasn't blood on blood. I saw the DR. too who said the same thing. He said my risk was 0.5% but I was totally freaked out and now I am experiencing some serious germ anxiety. For example, my sunglasses fell in the toilet at work and I flushed then felt stupid leaving them there so I fished em out, disinfected them and STILL had to throw them away. I was CONVINCED I had Hep C. God.....I feel this is all tied to when I had ecoli as a kid and once I got out of the hospital I refused to eat anything that was prepared a certain way. I was CONVINCED I would get sick through contamination. A lot of root issues are surfacing for me. UGH Anyways that was no fun and to top it off a friend of mine is in a super manipulative SUPER absuive relationship with this guy J, who is an aquitance and who lives here in Toronto. Their relationship is SUPER volitile. For example he dumped her and she was wrecked, he called her and they kept sleeping together, they would get back together, he would dump her on and on and on. So H planned on visiting and my friend B and I planned on taking her to this bar where we ALWAYS get hit on and get free drinks. What better wat to feel good about yourself post dumping.... I mentioned this plan to B in from of J and apparently he was like "What the Fuck is Soledad doing"? I was like douche bag!!! you aren't together. Anyways he called H and said" Sole is trying to get you all slutted out, what the hell?" Fucking hypcritical since he went to a strip club like 3 days before, which is exactly what I said to H. Problemo- she didn't know about the strip club and got super mad at him and refused to hang out with him. In relatiation he took a woman she HATES who tried to sleep with J while he was dating H out to dinner. DRAMA I was in a relationship almost identical to this so hearing this BS is very upsetting. UGH
We were biking....hence the helmet
i know it's hard, but you can't know what you don't know (there's gotta be a better way of saying this, but my friend always says this to me when i'm pining after a new guy, wondering what's going to happen with him)...so try to just accept that what the doctors are saying is right. your chances of getting anything are very slim. in fact, HIV and HEP C in particular really need a happy little place to be transmitted (i learned this when i worked with HIV+ intravenous drug users for a while and got some blood on my hands from a needle), and the chances of getting it from a surface that's not inside the chamber of a needle or the body is very, very slim.
that being said, goodness, i KNOW how scary it can feel to wonder what might happen. you're right to draw the parallel between your e coli infection as a child and your current fear -- i can imagine how connected it all is in your head.
as for the bar/friend situation. yikes. you DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG!!! you were right to say the guy was being hypocritical -- we all do silly things from time to time, and wanting to make your friend feel better is all you were doing. if he can't see that, that's on him, not you.
i hope you have a great saturday. xoxo
hun you are truly amazing and I am so proud of you,,, just incase I have not told you in a while!!! I miss you so and hope you are doing amazing and really treasuring your time with your sweetie!!!
love you darlin!